Whoops, it’s been awhile.
Sorry about that. I know I owe you guys a couple photoshoots that were requested, and I’m sure Valentine will be jazzed about doing them. I’ll try to wrangle her up for them as soon as I can, and if you’ve got any other pics you want to see, feel free to drop me a comment.
I’ve been MIA from Tumblr for awhile, and a lot’s gone on. You might remember last fall, we lost baby Milo. I felt lost for the next few months after that, unsure what to do with myself.
But in January, we learned I was pregnant again. Since I’d just had a miscarriage, my doctor had me do blood tests every few days to ensure my hcg was rising properly in the beginning. It’s supposed to double, which hadn’t happened with Milo (the numbers had staggered and fallen)… This time, they tripled. Even so, with the first ultrasound and that tiny beating heart wherein, I was still too wary, too scared to let myself get attached.
The rest of the pregnancy, I could write in dramatic detail here, but I’ll go ahead and pare it down to one word; clusterfuck. Every time we’d get a handle on one complication, another would pop up. Hyperemesis, preterm labor, gestational diabetes, etc. By the end of it, I’d had so many needles in various parts of my body that you can probably use my ass to drain spaghetti. It all ended with the grand finale of fuck-you-body; 5 fun-filled DAYS of labor.
A beautiful 6 lb girl.
They rushed her to the NICU a half hour after she was born for breathing issues. A day later, her lung collapsed. She spent the first two weeks of her life in incubators, hooked up to IVs, feeding tubes, chest tubes, an oscillator and other assorted vents. And as stressed and scared as we were, lemme tell you, each time we walked through that NICU, it didn’t escape us that we were some of the lucky ones. It is a heartbreaking place.
But, she’s home now. And I can show you this:
Her real name is a Hawaiian variant on a popular stateside name, but for her internet alias, we chose Moxie. Why? She’s proved she has it in spades, and it is something we needed to get through this past year. Guts, chutzpah, soda pop…
She may be the one dressed as little Amelia, but I am the girl who waited, and she is the one who came from the stars to heal my broken heart. Come along, Moxie. I’m so glad you’re finally here. We’ve got some adventures to go on.